Sexting tips
Sexting Tips: Ask First, Keep It Private, Stay Safe
Sexting can be the cheekiest part of flirting. Here is how to keep it consensual, private and safe.
Sexting is for adults who both want it. Ask first, never involve anyone under 18, keep your face and anything identifying out of every photo, and remember that anything you send can be saved or forwarded. Words are safer than pictures.
What is sexting, and is it legal in South Africa?
Sexting means sending flirty or sexual messages, photos or video through a chat or text. Between adults who both want it, it is one way to flirt. South African law is firm about two things, though: anyone under 18, and sharing an intimate image of a person without their consent. Both are covered below.
Consent first
How to sext: ask first, then follow their lead
Ask in words
A yes to chatting is not a yes to photos. Ask before each step up, and take silence as a no.
Follow their pace
If replies get shorter or the subject changes, ease off. Never push and never sulk.
Stay playful, not graphic
Suggestion beats description. Tease, plan and leave things unsaid.
A few sexting messages that keep to that:
- Checking in: “Want to keep this flirty tonight? Say stop at any point and we’ll talk about something else.”
- Teasing: “I’d tell you what I’m thinking, but I’d rather watch you guess.”
- Planning: “Saturday, a quiet table, and a conversation that gets more interesting after the second drink.”
- Slowing down: “I’m enjoying this. Can we keep it to words for now?”
On StouteLiefie, sensitive photos arrive blurred with a warning, so you decide whether to look. More lines for the first message are in our guide to flirty messages and openers.
What to keep out of a sexting photo
- Your face. Crop it out or keep it out of frame.
- Tattoos, scars and birthmarks. Anything that is yours alone points back to you.
- Jewellery and watches. Friends and colleagues notice them.
- Your surroundings. Windows, street views, uniforms, mirrors, work items and number plates.
- Location data. Switch off location tagging on your camera first.
Even then, treat every photo as permanent. Screenshots, forwarding and backups mean you cannot take one back, and the person you know least is the biggest risk. Wait until you trust them, and send only what you could live with seeing shared.
The law
Never anyone under 18
Stop. If there is any chance the person is under 18, end the conversation, do not forward or keep anything, and report them.
South African law treats a sexual image or description of anyone under 18 as child pornography. Under section 19A of the Criminal Law (Sexual Offences and Related Matters) Amendment Act, 2007, it is an offence to deliberately make it, have it, send it on, download it or view it. Section 24B of the Films and Publications Act, 1996 covers possessing, creating, getting hold of and distributing it too.
StouteLiefie is for adults only and estimates age automatically, with further checks where required. If you suspect someone is a child, report them on the site. You can also report suspected child sexual abuse material to the Film and Publication Board, which runs a hotline for it, or to the South African Police Service.
What if someone shares your image without consent?
Sharing it is the crime, and the blame sits with the person who did it.
Collect proof
Capture the chat, the username, the date and wherever the image appears, and save copies somewhere private.
Report it where it is
Block the person, then report them and the image. StouteLiefie responds quickly to requests to remove unauthorised content, and most other platforms have a report button too. The safety page (in Afrikaans) lists what we offer.
Lay a charge
Report it to the South African Police Service.
Do not pay
If money is demanded, the dating scams guide covers blackmail step by step.
Section 16 of the Cybercrimes Act, 2020 (Act 19 of 2020) makes it an offence to deliberately disclose, by electronic means, an intimate image of a person without their consent. The Act counts real or simulated nude images, and images showing a person’s private parts bare or covered, that they reasonably expected to stay private.
To disclose is to send the image to anyone, store it where others can view or download it, or share a link to it. The penalty is a fine, up to three years in prison, or both (section 19(7)), and helping someone else do it carries the same punishment (section 17). These sections have been in force since 1 December 2021.
How do you say no, or stop?
Say it once and plainly: “I’m not comfortable with this, so let’s stop.” You owe no reason. If they push, block them and report them. A no in a chat counts as much as a no in person, and so does silence.
Sexting questions
Is sexting legal in South Africa?
Two things are clearly against the law: anything sexual involving someone under 18, and sharing an intimate image of a person without their consent. Whatever you send, send it only to an adult who has said yes.
How do I sext without sending photos?
Use words. Tease, suggest and plan. A message can still be screenshotted, but it carries no face, no tattoo and no location.
What if someone threatens to share my pictures?
Do not pay. Stop replying, save the proof, block the account and report it on the site and to the police. The dating scams guide lists each step.
Can someone screenshot a photo I send?
Assume so. Anyone who can see a photo can screenshot it or photograph the screen. Blurring and warnings protect the person receiving a sensitive photo, which is why the photo rules above matter.
Keep it naughty and keep it consensual
Create a profile, set the pace and share only what you choose.
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